Some Pain is Unavoidable

This has been a bad week during which I have at times felt bereft. At others, I’ve pursued my trucking with a bit of a sense of denial. I haven’t been out spotting. Indeed, apart from doing a weekly shop to get essentials for the house, I haven’t been out.

On Monday, late afternoon, I heard a knock on the door. It was either another delivery for my Son or perhaps it was the Jehovah’s Witnesses – unlikely, the weather was discouraging to people looking to carry out God’s work. Instead, I found my neighbour on the doorstep. He was calm and collected but also clearly unhappy. “I’ve come to tell you Jean has passed on.” he said.

I don’t know what you can say in these circumstances – I remember remarking on his neatly trimmed beard! A disassociation tactic that helps when you can’t show your shock for fear of upsetting the other person even more. This hurt and it has held me in its thrall for the rest of the week.

Jean and her Husband have been a constant in my life since I was at Primary School. Back then my Mother and ‘Auntie’ Jean would walk us – me and her two daughters – to school and collect us after classes. That all ceased when we went to our separate secondary schools. But when your neighbour is just a couple of doors down the road, you still interact.

There is a gap in the middle – I went about my ways and Jean was just a peripheral of my life. I’d see her or her Husband occasionally when I was coming home but it was only perhaps a few words in passing. When I met my Wife it was Jean, in one of those brief contacts, who asked what our Zodiac signs were. You’ll be forever rowing she joked – there proved to be an element of truth in that although we were also able to quickly resolve our differences. We’re both Aquarians you see and smoothing the waters is what we do – but only after the storm.

Jean and family attended our wedding and later Jean kept an interest in our young Son’s life too – She christened him ‘Bob the Builder’ after seeing him helping me with something I was doing. He was a bit embarrassed but I think he grew into the role if only because it was the right thing to do.

In later years I got used to her Husband coming round to seek some help – usually with technical items. Mostly the TV which had lost its programmed channels. Of course, Jean always blamed this on him though I could not see any evidence that it was anything more than the TV auto-updating and losing the info in the process. Then Jean’s computer refused to boot up. I took one look and I knew it was beyond my ministrations – I suspect it was full to the point of bursting with files such that it could no longer move anything around. Of course, this was due to her eldest daughter who’d touched it the previous Saturday 🤣

Last summer Jean’s husband knocked on the door… It was a bad situation… Jean had collapsed on the doorstep. Could I help her up? Fortunately Alasdair was at home so we both went. I must tell you that Jean was a very large lady and we together could only achieve getting her sat up against the fence. Her Husband was saying – “she’s ok – If we get her on her feet she can walk in.” That clearly wasn’t going to happen as she had no strength. I said we need an ambulance – He didn’t want to call an Ambulance. So I instructed Alasdair to do it – which he did. I understand Jean’s Husband’s thinking – we were all brought up not to waste the time of the emergency services and to fix things ourselves. Deciding when to call is a difficult choice and doing so against his wish was not something I was totally happy with but it had to be done. The Ambulance showed up with two lady paramedics. They made short shrift of getting Jean onto a chair – training makes a huge difference when you’re trying to move a floppy weight!

Things got slowly worse over the last few months – Jean was badly affected by Alzheimer’s and most of the time did not recognise her husband and, when she did, accused him of seeing other women. These were actually the visiting homecare people. Such is how our lives often close – in a web of confusion and lost understanding.

I will miss Jean for her sharp wit, twinkling eye and mischievous grin. She will always be a part of my life even now she has moved on.. Here’s to the fallen👍